Elephant Heaven

We took a trip to our favorite park to enjoy some sunshine... however we couldn't play on anything because the play set was so darn hot! We settled with some "poo sticks"(I am not sure if this is even a real game, or if we are just freaks) and some exploring. We found a little candy shack where we devoured some snow cones! Audrey was really excited to see the mural of the giraffe and elephant on the shack wall, and even asked to get her picture taken by both of them. Somewhere along the way, we'll blame it on me being dead tired - I decided it would be a good idea to mention the death of the elephant at the Hogle Zoo. Oh boy, now we are having deep discussions on if Grandma and the elephant are at the same Heaven, or if the elephant has her own Heaven. This kid!  

It wasn't until I got home that I realized how I had completely ruined her dinner, but hey - you make the rules when you are the Mom! :) 

June 27th - July 1st

June 27th:
I can't believe this week is over! It has gone by so fast. I haven't been able to write you at all it's been so busy. We had to write the Soldier's Creed 50 times from Tuesday until today and it literally took all my free time! That and we had to clean our weapons every night after shooting because we have shot every day from Wednesday until today. So the Soldier's Creed says:
I am an American soldier. I am a warrior and a member of a team. I serve the people of the United States and live the Army values. I will always place the mission first. I will never accept defeat. I will never quit. I will never leave a fallen comrade. I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough. Trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills. I always maintain my arms, my equipment, and myself. I am an expert and I am a professional. I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United Sates of America in close combat. I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life. I am an American soldier.

50 times!!

June 28th:
I have news that surprised me but it happened we are officially in white phase! We were told that we were not phasing but we had a ceremony last night saying we were phasing and all of us were surprised. But I should be calling soon! I hope it's today! During white phase we get 30 minutes every Sunday unless our drill sgts. feel like we should not get the privilege.

Like I was saying last night we started firing our weapons this week. It has been difficult. I have had fun but also very frustrated. We had to shoot on Wednesday and shoot a little target on paper from 25 meters away and we had to group 8 out of ten rounds in the little black silhouette target. The drill sgts would then make adjustments to us. We had to end up with the 8 shots in the middle of this target in order to zero our weapons and I really struggled. My weapon had to be adjusted a lot more than most others. So I didn't do very well. But on Thursday I ended up getting it just in time. I was very thankful. The next day my target was broken so I never saw how well I did. Then yesterday we shot moving targets at different distances and that's what we will do to qualify this Thursday. We have to hit 23 our of 40 targets and we have to do this to pass basic. Anyway I feel like I am always negative, I just need to practice. I am sure I will be good.

Thank you for my cards! I had completely forgotten that it was even Father's Day until I got to church and they said something. I don't mind missing it. I don't know if fathers need a day. Mothers deserve much more recognition and a special day than we do I think. Mothers do so much more than we do. But I felt bad not saying anything to my dad but I'm sure he understands.

I'm so sorry about missing you on the phone today. :( :( I was getting worried that something was wrong with the phones or something. But next Sunday I think we will get to call again. Everyone is pretty pumped up and trying really hard so we can get our phones again and for longer too. So if we can keep that up we should be talking this next Sunday, or maybe on the 4th! We get the entire day off and we even get to go to a concert! They are giving us Pizza Hut and the concert and I heard we get to watch movies too so who knows.

You asked if smoking was the same as the gas chamber and its just a term used for when we are given correctional training IE push ups, V-ups, leg touch and twist, eight count push ups, those sort of things. We got our prison haircuts again today it feels so much better. My hair was getting long. We are going to bed an hour early tonight because we have to wake up at 0400 to do an 8k road march which is around five miles with all our gear on and our weapons and then we will be at a computer range again to practice shooting at moving targets so we can qualify this upcoming Thursday. Pray for me that I do well on Thursday please!

It sounds like you and Audrey are going to be busy busy this month. I am glad, you guys should have lots of fun together. Hahah random question - do you think my face looks like Buzz Lightyear? A few people have said that from the beginning and its funny because you sent me the picture of us three at Audrey's birthday party dressed up and I am Buzz Lightyear. HAHH.

June 29th:
I got four letters from you tonight!!! Wahoo! We didn't get any mail on Friday because of something. I am not sure what and then we don't get any on Saturday. I am glad that you guys had so much fun jet skiing! I am shocked that Audrey went! I loved Audrey's hand prints for Father's Day! I am hanging it up in my locker along with my pictures. So we got to practice more shooting again with a computer and I did a lot better and it made me feel much better. I hope we practice every day until we qualify on Thursday. But I already feel much better and I feel like I will do okay. So that is great news! We did our 85 or 5 mile march this morning. We woke up at 0400 and started marching by 0500. We took like two hours to finish so it was pretty easy. I like doing them they are fun. You should have seen the lightning this morning! It was amazing! It was literally flashing every 1-3 seconds it was so cool. It was beautiful. It was going off so much that I thought it was artillery going off. I have meant to say that this base is all artillery besides basic so all day long we hear huge explosions in the distance and we have even seen them sometimes. So our platoon is actually probably the best platoon right now, it has been the biggest shift. People are really starting to come together it has been great.

June 30th:
Our second PT test is tomorrow they switched it from Friday until Today. I know I can pass I am just working on getting more points. The other day I did 57 sit ups in two minutes so that was an improvement by 13 so that is great! Push  ups I am shooting for 13 more as well so cheer me on! I keep thinking over and over about being stationed in Washington. I don't know if its just wishful thinking or just because of Oregon or what but I just really want to be back up there.

July 1st:
Guess what?! It is July! Which means that I get to see you NEXT month! Yay yay yay! It's only a few more days and it will be a month until I see you! We can do it. And AIT will be much better. I ran my two mile in 13:20! I did 41 push ups and 51 sit ups so I passed again and I improved a tiny bit on everything. Did I tell you what we get to do on the 4th? We are supposedly having a concert and pizza and movies! I am pretty sure I wrote that. We just got back from the range, I qualified! I keep worrying that I wont pass things and then I do fine. I need to be more confident in my ability and then just keep getting better and better. So to qualify you have to get 23/40 and I got 29 and tomorrow we have a chance to do it again and I am shooting for 36 which is expert. I would get a badge on my uniform if I get that and people respect you if you have patches and stuff on your uniform. Today was rough after I finished shooting. Our platoon was arguing about the dumbest things while we were trying to practice our marching. I never answered your question about the age of my platoon. At least half maybe 3/4 of our platoon is still in high school so they are 17 and yes they are freaking immature! Some of them continue to do things like talk in formation or turn around during formation. Or they leave their weapon on semi instead of safe! We had to sit in the position outside in our full uniforms in the burning sand for over twenty minutes straight like 5-10 minutes before. To be honest we have never been smoked as long as I thought we would. But Fort Sill is supposedly easier too. I usually don't say that much in our big group to our whole platoon and I rarely swear but today I was so irritated I got in front of everyone and screamed for them to shut the hell up and I kept going. But whenever I do that my group of friends are like what is going on you okay? Hahaha

Haha so you know the Soup Nazi episode? How they all step up and say what they want and then slide down to the register and can't talk or anything? I think of that every time we eat at the chow hall. Hahahah I always mean to tell you but forget. We do exactly that. We get watched and say only what we want, talking is not allowed unless for that reason or to say thank you sir/m'am. Our steps have to be 15 inches and our heels must always touch unless one foot is moving. HAHAH I thought you would appreciate that.

OH Big Brother! or BIIIIIIIIIIIIG BROTHER! Hahah Is it good?! Who do you like? Don't give too many huge details but we are watching it once I get home together! And of course next season we will watch it together for sure! Have they revealed any big twists yet?

So we have a PG or platoon guide now and an APG which is his assistant and 4 squad leaders who are each in charge of about 12 people. So we do a lot more on our own now under the direction of the PG or APG. I really like the PG. He is doing a good job and he is the one calling cadences and marching us now. We are starting to get more free time and stuff which is great!

Happy 50th Birthday Mom!

Happy Happy Birthday to my incredible, beautiful, magnificent Mom!

The General, The Carol, and Trusty Tour Guide.

The Croquet cheating, Kohl's Addicted, Dancing Queen.

The Noxzema smelling, Scarf wearing Pot Stirrer.

The VP and A+ student.

The Amazing Race Producer and #1 Stinker Pot. 

Like a lot of bratty teenagers, I could say that Carol and I didn't see "eye to eye" growing up. Now that I am a mother myself, I have been blown away by the woman who raised me.

For starters, she is a party animal! You want to go on an adventure - call her! You have a movie, restaurant, roller coaster that you need to try - she'll be the first to volunteer. She has always made life and every occasion so much fun. She believes in making every day fun and new. 

Next she is a nerd-alert to the extreme. Although it's been 30+ years, she recalls fondly and OFTEN her time in the Lehi marching band. If you are lucky, she might just re-inact some drills for you. I always heard that she was a good student in high school, but wasn't prepared for the ball of determination that came as she started school in her 40's. After years of being out of the game, she started classes to go after her life long dream of being an architect. I can't tell you the hours, sweat, and tears she has put into EVERY semester since then. I don't know many people who could go to college after so much time and literally kick its trash. 

My mom was always a silent example of faith growing up. Maybe not silent, but I didn't notice/care growing up. But as the years have passed I can't believe what a woman of faith she is. Every 1-2 weeks you can find her at the temple. Trying to get peace, guidance, and too often help for her rotten kids. The last 4 years have been full of changes, and all brought on because she had received direction and followed without questioning. She would come to us with news or new ideas and in my head I would scream What! That's crazy! Let's think this through. But when she gets a prompting, she tries her darnedest to follow it no matter where it takes her.

One of the things that upset me the most growing up, is that my mom would never just "take our word for it" when we were telling her about a person. It was so frustrating as a bratty kid, but my mom has always never taken anyone elses opinions or judgements in about another person. She gets to know them and genuinely is their friend. She is also the first one to go up and introduce herself, and works very hard to retain her relationships with friends and family.

She is the "Level Head" and the "Problem Fixer Upper". Most of us kids are Love's, meaning dramatic and emotional to the 100th degree. When you have a crisis, she is the one to turn to. Time and time again she will talk you through things and help you find a solution. But she also doesn't sugar coat, she is direct and brings you out of your bad place. Money, personal, health, car, any problem you have - she will listen and help you develop a game plan on how to fix it. 

I could go on and on about this mother of mine, but she hates the spotlight on her so we'll end it here. Let me just say, I am so grateful that you are my Mommy. You have always been so selfless and patient with me. You have made me a planner, a TAD OCD (we'll mostly blame that on Grandma), and a celebrator. You have taught me the importance of books and the gospel. You have always been the one to do everything with - watch weird funky movies, go on a walk, or go to Kohls for new digs. You have showed us classic and good movies and music (Dan in Real Life not included), and let us know you're never too cool to dance and sing in public. Thank you for never-ending talks, your example, and most of all your love.

How did I ever get lucky enough to have you as MY Mom?

June 18th & 21st

June 18th:
Today is Wednesday and we have a lot going on this week! Today we have our land nav test. So we have six people in a group and they just drop us off with 5 points we have to plot and then walk to find five oints. We have like seven hours to get it done. We have to get them all right in order to graduate and to move on from red phase. Then tomorrow we are going to the gas chamber and we have to be there like five minutes. And then on Friday we have a test on all our red phase stuff. We won't move on from red phase. So we are busy busy. They even let us sleep from 9-6 last night! I think we might be doing our 8k march this week too. Can you believe we are more than halfway through June?!

Did I tell you in reception we got our photos taken in our uniform. I ordered some so when I graduate you should be able to take them home. So we did an obstacle course yesterday and I know there was some pictures taken of me so you should look on the Facebook page and see if I'm on there! I found out about the limited hand holding and PDA on graduation the day I got your letter talking about it. HAHAHAI haven't been told all the rules yet but I'm sure they will tell us closer to graduation.That whole last week is all practicing and going over graduation so we will pretty much be done with most of our training. So we got our weapons last Friday. It doesn't feel real still hahah. We have a red metal thing on our barrel that blocks anything from coming out. We have been practicing taking them apart and putting them back together. Mine is very difficult to take apart. One of the pins is really hard to get out and that takes the barrel and the .... apart.

June 21st:
How are you? I am doing pretty good. I haven't written for a while because I had to prepare a talk for today and we had a phase test on Friday. We don't know how we did yet but it's based on the platoon's score averaged out so that makes me nervous but we'll be positive. We are not moving out of red phase anyway. Our drill sergeant kept a group in red phase for six weeks!

I just got back from church! It was busy. I helped pass the sacrament and then gave my talk and then I helped teach the plan of Salvation to two people who are getting baptized in a few weeks!

We are almost ready for bed. It has been a good day. We have had a lot of time to clean and organize. Not personal time but cleaning time. That is pretty much all we do all day Sunday. It's nice because we all talk.The conversations were a little interesting today hahaha. I got so sunburned today. We pulled weeds for three hours today. I didn't even think about putting my sunscreen on today until I was already a lobster hahaha. We are getting prison haircuts or were supposed to today but will get them next week I guess. My hair is getting so long. This next week we are going to start shooting our weapons! This week should be fun. Tomorrow we start using a simulator so we can learn how to do it right before we waste a ton of rounds. Our one drill sergeant was gone all week and I was so glad she came back because she is the toughest drill sergeant in our whole battery but she helps us stay in line and it makes things better. Our platoon is slowly getting better at being quiet.

Did I tell you about the gas chamber? Oh my goodness it was terrible! We went in and had our masks on and started doing push ups and stuff like that and the mask is already tight and makes you feel a little claustrophobic. But then you move into the hot side where there is a higher concentration of gs and take off your mask for 3 seconds with your eyes closed and holding your breath and then put your mask back on and seal the make and start breathing again for 15 seconds and scream the soldiers creed and none of us made it past the second line before coughing and dying. It feels like you are drowning and you can't open your eyes for like 5 minutes for more than a few seconds. It hurts so bad. But I am glad I did it, It was a good experience. Oh and it makes your skin burn like the worst sunburn you have ever had.

One Month Down

We survived our first month of the new Army/BCT life! I organized some thoughts on how our new life is going.

Everyone always makes jokes about how once you have kids you can never go to the bathroom alone, and I already felt part of the crowd. But what I would give for a private bathroom experience these days. Instead of a two year old trying to look in the toilet and say, "Go poop, Mama? Go pee pee? Good job, Mama! You go potty, Mama! You get sticker and go Chuck E Cheese." It was cute at first I admit. But I would like to leave my bathroom experiences to myself, thank you.

My life literally revolves around a mail box. I promised after Adam's mission I would never let a mail box rule my life again .... never say never, kids. I have moved around my breaks and lunch so that I can drop off my letters at the very last second so they can have as many pages and details as humanly possible in each letter. I can be seen running as fast as my legs can go at about 1:55 PM to drive to drop off my letter. And speaking of my chosen mail box.... here he is:

I named him Larry... as in Larry David for you Seinfeld lovers. Why Larry David? Because he is annoying and a pain in my neck, but also lovable and reliable. Welcome to my sad mind. 

I am usually not one to post or tell people NOT to say things because I personally find it hurtful/offensive... but I have enjoyed people's words of... should we say, encouragement so far? Here's some of my favorites:

"Well you CHOSE this... you didn't HAVE to do this." RIIIIIGHT. 

"You already waited for him for two years, this should be a cake walk!" I get it... I am the first one to make a joke about being the "Waiting Girl". But let me tell you this, I would GLADLY do the mission over 3 times than be a single mom right now. And I would GLADLY do the mission over 10 times instead of having him be deployed. 

"Well now at least you and Audrey can have PLENTY of bonding time." See my first paragraph on the bathroom. But seriously, it is nice definitely to have so much time just me and her. That doesn't mean I want my husband NOT to be here though. 

"You must REALLY be sexually deprived!" This one just made me laugh when it came from the right person. Other people have said it and then followed up with, "You better keep your eye on your man and not wander." Someone honestly said that to me.

"You must be SUPER lonely." Another one where all I could hear after they said that was crickets. 

"At least that gives you six months to lose some weight!" The person said this as cheerfully as sunshine too... so you're telling me I need to lose weight?

I don't go ANYWHERE without my phone. Which yeah, a lot of people could say that - it's the way of life right? But literally I can't even breathe without it, it is ALWAYS by me. And every time I get a call I automatically assume it's him and that I-need-to-get-every-single-thing-I-would-ever-want-to say-to-him-as-fast-as-humanly-possible-so-I-can-survive-another-four-weeks-without-him. Which sends me into a panic, which gets me emotional and I start to tear up... until I realize it's a telemarketer telling me that I could win $10,000... and then I just get really angry. Army Wife Allie sure knows how to get a lot angrier than non-Army wife Allie.

Tears. I cry all the time. People immediately panic and think they shouldn't/can't talk to me and try to run away, but it's usually about the most minor things. Before I would be really ashamed to cry, and only do it if I literally couldn't physically hold it anymore. I don't even care now. I cry freely and about EVERYTHING. You once owned a cat? Sob. You love Diet Coke too? Wail. You broke your leg when you were 9?! Hysterics. But you know what, I am actually really grateful that I now am free to cry as I please. It feels freaking awesome to get it out, even if it makes me a maniac. 

Audrey has absolutely amazed me this past month. People always say "kids know how to bounce back"or "kids are resilient" - and it is absolutely true! She has been so strong and adapted to our new life together so well. We get the mail every day after daycare before we go into our apartment, she helps me do a happy dance on the good days and says "Tomorrow?" on the bad. She loves to put a sticker on our calendar to mark off one more day without daddy, and to rip a chain off after bath time. And my very favorite is every night after her bath and getting ready, we read three books with one always being her Daddy book. I am so happy I made that book for her. It is full of pictures of just her and Daddy and talks about some things that Daddy loves to do with her. She has the entire thing memorized!!! Only a couple nights ago, I had a coughing fit in the middle of reading it to her and instead of waiting she decided to read it herself. She has memorized every phrase exactly as I typed it, then at the end it says Never Forget that Daddy Loves You and she plopped a kiss on the page and says "Wub you, Daddy". This kid. I never knew I could love every stinking thing about someone like I do for Audrey. She is just the perfect kid. I am honored to be her Mommy, and the people who have said that I can get plenty of bonding time with her are absolutely right! So we are making the most of our time just with each other, while trying to always include Adam into everything.

This past month has been hard but it has been so good! We are incredibly blessed to have the people in our lives that we do, and not only family. This past month I have had so many long lost friends reach out to me to just tell me "You're amazing, you know that?" and it has given me so much strength. And I know this isn't the end of the world - believe me. But my biggest goal in life is to help others feel like they aren't alone and that they have someone to talk to. So this might seem silly to some, but I want to document life and all its adventures so other people can have someone to turn to if they are in a similar boat. 

But there you have it! One month down, a few to go! As Audrey would say it, "Daddy come back with Tanta!" So that's TWO things to look forward to this year. :) 

June 16th & 17th

June 16th:
Hey! Sorry my last letter which I just sent this morning just ended. I was saying I was worried about push ups but I ended up passing with a 57! You have to get 50 points to pass which is 31 push ups and I did 37. I was doing them all wrong before I left and it messed me up, I have had to do extra push ups every day to get stronger and work on my form. My 2 mile run I got almost 100 points! I ran 2 miles in 13 minutes and I am not sure on the seconds but I know I was under 14 minutes because I timed it on my watch at the same time. So my goal is to get to 300 points which is the max. If I do I will get a medal or something to wear on my uniform which looks really good when you get to your first unit.

(Answering some questions I had sent) You should see how fast I can make decisions because we have to here. When I pick my food I literally have seconds hahaha so I am getting better. Yes I get enough to eat! I actually eat a lot more here than I did at home. The food is pretty good. We have quite a few choices and there is a lot of food to eat all the time.

June 17th:
I am up doing fireguard at 3:00 AM. So I get up for an hour and go back to sleep for one hour. So to answer my questions! We usually get about 7 hours of sleep. They are only required to give us four and they could wake us up every ten minutes if they really want to but they haven't ever done that luckily. Usually we go to sleep at 9 and wake up at 5. The barracks don't usually smell except for in the bathroom which just smells like urine. But they are gross, especially the floors. We sweep them but use the same brooms for outside once a week so there is always stuff on the floor. No I don't feel like basic is changing me too much. It's hard for me to tell though. I am more disciplined and changing physically for sure. I thought I would start swearing a lot but I don't. I don't like it and everyone knows I am Mormon and only swear if I am really mad. So far my favorite part has been road marches where we have all our gear on and we patrol. It's where I actually feel like a soldier. My least favorite thing is how undisciplined some people are and how they still don't get it after three weeks. That has been the hardest thing actually. Basic is different than I thought it was going to be, as in it's not as hard as I thought so far. But we still have two phases left and that could all change very fast so I'm not counting on it staying the same. Food I wish I could have? Probably RIB CITY! And Famous Dave's and Wingers hahaha. The food is actually pretty good.We just have so little time to eat, we barely taste it hahah. The chow hall is probably one of the places the drill sergeants yell the most.

June 13th & 14th

June 13th:
Today was mostly uneventful. We learned how to take our M-16 apart and put it back together. It's actually easier than I thought, there are not many pieces. It rained most of today and part of yesterday it was so nice! It has been in the high 90's all week and humid. We started learning how to read maps as well and that was fun. Weare going to be going out in a few weeks to do an overnight test to see if we can navigate a map and go through the woods. Tomorrow is Sunday, I am so excited! I get to go back to church and write you more. Yay mouse! "A gun rack,what would I do with a gun rack", agh I can't remember the rest of the quote. I feel like I am really starting to bulk up in my arms and my chest. They have already tones up and gotten bigger and it hasn't even been two weeks of consistent push ups. My platoon does more push ups than any other for sure. Did you hear anything about the 10,000 troops being deployed to Iraq in the last few days? Let me know if you hear anything okay?

June 14th:
Today is Sunday woot woot! It's not even eight in the morning and I have already organized my locker and made it look nice, taken apart my gun, eaten and got ready for the day! We should begetting our phones in two weeks and we can finally talk! YAY! And red phase will be over. Woot woot! Things will be more fun after that and as long as we are good we will get phones! I am so tired. I had to do fireguard and couldn't fall back asleep for a while after that. Fireguard is wherewe have two people guard the barracks and make sure nobody is hurting themselves or tries to go AWOL.

Hello! I am at church waiting for sacrament to start. Haha I already got called as a missionary discussion teacher. So every week I will teach the Plan of Salvation. I will get to teach with another missionary again, woot woot! I don't get any prep time because I am not allowed to bring Preach My Gospel back to the barracks unfortunately.

I'm back from church. I helped teach today for my new calling. We had one investigator and he has already read the first book of Nephi and seems to be pretty interested. It's crazy that I am back teaching investigators again.

June 9th-11th

Disclaimers! I only post non-mushy personal things on the blog to read, so if it is jumping around like crazy... that is why. Plus he's a man. :)

Also the grammar and lack of punctuation are true to his letters. His grammar snob wife would never allow this.  Enjoy!

How are you guys? We did the rappel tower yesterday. It was a lot of fun. It wasn't too bad, it was only 40 feet high. We have three days of basic medical training this week and then on Friday we are getting our weapons issued and going to the gas chamber. Today we practiced carrying soldiers out of a combat zone under fire and did a competition with 2nd platoon (we are 1st platoon) where we had to run down, put a tourniquet on a casualty, use a buddy drag through sand and then carry them fireman style and run to the finish line. We won! Other than that our platoon is really struggling. We are behind in everything and everyone makes fun of our platoon because we are always messing up. We had a meeting with ten of our platoon last night to try and fix things so hopefully today it starts getting better. There is just a lot of people always talking and looking around in formation.

Tomorrow we are doing our first march now for two miles in full combat gear. It should be pretty easy. I'm starting to get sores and break out all over my legs because it's so hot and I am literally drenched every single day all day long. ALL. DAY. LONG. Sorry my letters are few and far between, my free time is very short because we have been staying extra time to talk as a platoon to fix things or we have to stay extra and get smoked. Today one of our platoon was smoked in front of everyone for probably 15-20 minutes because they never stop talking and refuse to listen when people talk to them.

Today is the 11th now, we are almost done with half of June! Our 4k march today was pretty easy. I enjoy marching. Oh and yes cadences means we march to songs or whatever you want to call it.... I can't wait until we get out of red phase. We get to do a lot more in those like field missions and fire our weapons and learn more cadences and stuff.

*PS Adam says he is called A-Dog because there is another Christensen in his platoon that is spelled the same.

I was able to find Adam's platoon on Facebook. Already they have posted a few pictures! It is fun to try to spot Adam and so far I have found him in two. 

 Adam is in the very back with his back towards the camera.

Here he is bossing people around! HAHAHAH he is on the right pointing at something. 

First Letter Highlights

Alright! We have received our first OFFICIAL basic letter. I will give the highlights as the mushy gushy stuff is just for me! :)

06/05/2015
Sorry! Today has been the first day I have even had a chance to write. The whole ship day was a lot like moves day on my mission to be honest, just more intense obviously. So we have our permanent drill sergeants now, we have two of them. I like them both and I think I will like basic. Some things are tough. I messed up after saying I knew how to do something really bad and so I felt pretty stupid, but it's pushing me harder to do better and pay closer attention to detail so that I can be ready next time and do well. I'm sorry about the phone call. I know it was rough. Hopefully we can get a phone call soon though. Tomorrow is my first PT test. We are only doing the 1 mile and one minute push ups and sit ups to assess us what we need to improve. It was so good to hear your voice and Audrey's too, but it made it hard too. That day already I had been a little homesick for the first time.

06/07/2015
Hello! I am at church and it feels like a load just lifted off my shoulders. Something familiar feels nice. I miss you guys a lot. It is a lot harder on weekends because we aren't nearly as busy as the weekdays so I think of home a lot more. I am doing good. Tomorrow we start week 1. This week had been week 0 and now all the real stuff starts. We have been issued pretty much all of our equipment except for our gun. Our drill sergeant said we won't get our phone until we get out of red phase which is three weeks long. We got to do a team building exercise on Friday where we had to do obstacles together as a team and get across a bridge that had been blown up with just wood planks and rope. Or we did one with a zip line and we had to get our whole team across the water and get a casualty across as well.

It's the end of the day now. It has been a very easy day. Church was great. I found the only other member in my whole battery which is four platoons that each have about 47 or 48 people each. So in total we have around 150 people and each platoon has 2-3 drill sergeants around them all the time. But anyway back to church, I brought a guy with me today because he wanted a quiet church to meditate in and heard our church was quiet. HAHAH. Then later today I found a guy who almost got baptized when he was 16 and his mom wouldn't let him but he said he really liked it and he said he would come with me next week. I think I will give him a Book of Mormon. One of the counselors in the branch did an interview with me for like 15 minutes and he used to be a drill sergeant here. He gave me really good advice. He was telling me that you need to remember to not let the Army take over your life and become more important than the things that are important in life. Family, priesthood, the temple, and education. He let the Army become more important than his family. But he kept encouraging me to chase our dreams and do what we want in life and to make sure that our kids keep those things in mind and make them a priority in life. HAHAHHA he said I need to enjoy the primary and don't worry about other callings because one day I will be bishop and will miss the primary. I was only able to give you my address. So if other people want it you will have to let them know. How is your family doing? Have you seen them much? How is baby Winda? She will be so big when I come home! I have been here for 2 weeks, it feels like two months hahaha. I hope that you and Audrey like living one base with me. It's going to be a much different lifestyle. I didn't get a shower last night because I was working on an assignment and ran out of time and I was soaked in sweat, my uniform was still wet this morning and I just took one it feels so much better. HAHAHA I don't think I have ever sweat this much in my life except maybe Florida. It's been upper 80's and into the 90's with humidity everyday and the people from here say it gets up to 110 a lot of days during the summer.I feel like I have already lost another five pounds even though I eat a lot everyday, I'm eating a lot more here than I have been the last four months. They have this system for food where everything is in a different group - green, yellow, and red. Green is the best food for you, I usually only get stuff in there and I like most of it more anyway. But they have angel food cake and this parfait to put on top that is so good! I try not to get it very often but it is amaze so I have had it the last three meals.

Start of the Army Wife Life

Since Adam officially signed up for his job and got a shipping out date, I have been on a freaking roller coaster. I cry.... A LOT. I get really excited, then really sad, then absolutely sure that I will be just fine, and then curl up in a ball. Basically... you might want to stay clear for a few days, weeks... um... months.

Here is my documented example from Saturday morning:

Looks like an innocent jar of peanut butter right?

I tried to make Audrey and Adam some breakfast on Saturday, and I grabbed the new peanut butter out of the pantry. I tried and tried and tried to open it but I just couldn't. Adam was trying to get some sleep before we headed out on our busy day so I did what I could to not wake him. I tried for a solid 5 minutes then burst into tears. Because I realized, What happens next time I can't open the peanut butter jar? 

Oh boy.

A New Adventure

I had to take a blogging hiatus after being viciously attacked for my last post... and to those individuals I will only say this:

Moving on.

Our little family has some exciting/terrifying news to share. Adam has officially sworn in to the United States Army. Just writing it out makes me a little sick to my stomach. Although right now we are all acting like basket cases, we are very sure that this is the right step for our family.

Adam "claims" that he has always wanted to join the army... ;) although I haven't heard such in the last 7+ years. But when I was newly pregnant with Audrey, Adam began to look into joining the National Guard. It ended up not feeling right so we closed the subject only a month later.

And then January 1st came around. We felt really strongly like this was a really important year for us. We felt like it was our year for change. We first thought that was just maybe getting in shape, saving some money, getting a new place - but now we realize it was to prepare us for this step. 

Adam's amazing Grandpa passed away on January 1st. He was a very proud Army veteran who constantly talked about his adventures in the war and service. His passing was very hard on Adam, and kind of shifted all of our goals. Adam started to tell me how his chest would always swell as Grandpa told his stories, that he had always wanted to join before he met me, that he yearned to be part of something great like this. 

Now Adam is quite the dreamer... :) and often comes up with solutions for money/babies that I try to be maybe too realistic about. But for some reason, this one stuck with me. He began talking again to the National Guard. He met often with his recruiter and asked a million questions. It came to the realization that if we were going to get Adam to medical school, we either had to live with $100,000-$200,000 worth of debt or find a way to help us pay for school. Just 2014 alone we had racked up $15,000 with student loans for Adam, and we were feeling the incredible pressure on what that amount of debt would mean as a family. I began to feel very comfortable about the National Guard. He would only have to sacrifice a weekend a month, and two weeks a Summer. Plus the recruiter told me the deployment chance was slim to none. We thought long and hard and decided to start the process to see if we could even get in.

As Adam finished this hell-ish packet required and started getting all his medical records, he was constantly meeting people who had been in the Army who kept asking, "Why on Earth are you joining the National Guard and not the Army?" Not to bag on the National Guard at all! We have a little brother we love dearly who is in it, but for what we need and want (mainly help with paying for medical school), the Army has more benefits that make sense to us.

At first I down right refused! The Army would mean moving anywhere in the country or world! It would be 99.9% sure of at least one deployment if not multiple! NO NO NO NO NO. For those that know me intimately, you know that I take ZERO risks. I am a scaredy cat and often stay right within the walls of my own comfort zone. But as he began to get more information, I couldn't deny the absolute calm about it all. It surprised me, and probably Adam even more that I was for it!

Months and months later of waiting, filling and re-filling out paperwork, talking to doctors, getting medical records, and two different medical physicals - we were fed up and starting to believe that this wouldn't even be an option for us.

Then in one 24 hour period we learned that Adam had passed, his waiver had passed, and that he needed to pick a job that very day. [For those that I was texting that day... I am extremely sorry for the nightmare that I was. :)] Adam had told me all the possible jobs that he could sign up for, but oh yeah he would need to ship out either 2 or 3 weeks later. Excuse me?! We finally had settled on a job that we were sure would leave on May 18th. But as Adam went to sign up for it, he learned that he would actually leave the 11th. [Insert crazy throwing up, crying, panic.] 

 Adam called me probably every 10 minutes from the recruiter's office to share more bad news or to ask what I thought. Finally I couldn't take it and I told Adam we needed to say a prayer. We both said a silent prayer while on the phone, and we immediately told each other that we felt so much peace and calm. We took that as an answer and he told me he'd call back once he signed the papers. 

Now the job that he was going to sign up for wasn't our ideal choice. We of course wanted something medical but nothing was available at the time and had to settle for a job that he was still interested in, but not crazy about. Well less than two minutes after hanging up from the previous call, Adam called in a panic "The recruiter just called a contact in Kentucky. They have a medic opening that ships out on the 25th, but we have to say yes or no right now!" If I ever didn't believe in God before, that moment would have changed everything. Only ten minutes before I literally had been throwing up and sobbing in the bathroom. Yet within a matter of moments, the most PERFECT job for Adam became open and it gave us a bit more time before he left. We both took it without a second thought.

Once we had a later shipping out date,  I immediately felt so much peace. People kept asking me if I was doing okay and I just kept thinking "Why on Earth would anything be wrong?!" 
Until it came time to officially swear in.

I was a nervous wreck and hadn't been able to see Adam since the night before. As soon as I saw him I thought we would both want to bolt, but he just kept saying "I feel fine. I'm good." While he actually swore in I almost passed out and probably dislocated Kelsy's poor hand, but I couldn't stop staring at Adam. I could go on and on about how amazing I find my husband, but that moment is indescribable. My husband is just that kind of person. He is willing to do anything for anyone, it matters so much to him that he chooses good or right, and his main goal and motivation in life is to help others. 

It was quite the Fan Club there to watch this moment in his life, which I feel like further proves 1) that we have been blessed with an amazing family and 2) that Adam is such an incredible person inside and out. 

[Making it official]

 [Adam's parents]

[Mom & Amber]

 [Kelsy, Kennedy, & Linda]

[It was SUPPOSED to only be Anna, Sarah, & Evelyn... but Kennedy and Audrey had to jump in. :) I don't know what these little girls will do without him]

[Layne & Bobbisue]

[Quite the fan club, we are so grateful for everyone sacrificing time and work to be there for him]

[MUAH]

These next six months apart are going to be very hard. But I haven't felt so clearly about something like this in a long time. I am thrilled for the adventures we will have AFTER training! :) Who knows where we will go or what will happen. But I know we are headed where we need to be, and that we have so much support on Heaven and Earth beside us.

Book Review: Sickened

"Truth is whatever your mind believes. And beliefs are erected by those who raise us. If someone shapes your mind into a distortion, you have to find something that can give you the straight answer."

I am crazy about books and love to hear other people's opinions and reviews so I thought I would do my own.

*Just for the record, I don't think I read a lot of books that others like. I usually only read subjects that are dark, twisty, and generally a little screwed up... 

BUT! I love reading books like this a lot of times to get more perspective, or to feel connected to someone. Or just plain to feel that "human" feeling. I don't know how else to describe it, I just love having that feeling where I want to change the world, rescue all the abandoned kittens, walk a little old lady across the street, you get the idea?

Anyway, I just recently bought this book from Barnes & Noble.

I read a lot of books about child abuse, which I figured this story was about as well. I was surprised to find out that not only was it about different forms of child abuse, but that this chronicles Julie's life as a MBP (Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy). Definition time... Munchausen syndrome by proxy is a form of child abuse in which a parent induces real or apparent symptoms of a disease in a child. I had no idea that this was even a form of abuse! I had learned about Munchausen syndrome in popular TV shows like Grey's Anatomy and House, but I never imagined a parent would put their child through this in order to full fill their own disease needs.

I was blown away by this book. I promised myself this year that I would take a stand, and do more to advocate for child abuse, so gulp!, here's me trying. Being abused by my father left me feeling like a zombie. There is no other way I really can put it. I didn't put the pieces together that sexual abuse had happened to me until I was 19 - once you realize the truth, the truth of YOUR life... you can't even begin to imagine how that feels. You realize that you have no idea what part of your life is real and what was fabricated. You have no idea what memories will hit you at what time, and most importantly - you lose all idea of who you are as a person.

What I love most about this book is not only does she share her story, but she describes how she breaks free! Once Julie realizes that she was her mother's proxy, she literally has to start from square one. She describes locking herself in her home and literally staring in a wall of mirrors for hours each day just to re-learn what her face and expressions looked like, because before she only saw them through distorted eyes. And part of her journey included cutting ties with her mother, which hit a cord with me. Sometimes you have to let go of those who hurt you, even if they are family. 

This probably doesn't make sense unless you have been through something like this - but I highly recommend this book! Not only for those that have been abused in some way, but even for someone struggling with who they are. 

"I know what it feels like to be trapped in the person they made you into and to break free to be the person you truly are."

22 Months

The last month has been a little tough for Audrey:

• She got over a nasty cough/cold, just to get sick with a virus and double ear infection.We thought she was possessed, then started worrying that the "Terrible Two's" were starting early, but it seems like she's back to normal this week finally!

• For Christmas Audrey was spoiled rotten! I am so incredibly grateful for all the toys and goodies she got. We have never been able to really spoil her or even buy her extra clothes or toys until recently. So to get practically a fully equipped play room brought me to tears! She is still having such a blast playing with so many new fun toys. 

• She is turning into a little girl! Lately just the way she is dressed and has her hair done makes her look so old and makes me so sad! I love her growing but I want her to stay little forever.

• She was in the car when it was totaled, and I was worried sick about her. She went to the doctor that same day for the infections, and they told us nothing seemed to be wrong from the accident. I was really worried she would be afraid to get in the car but she really only mentioned it twice. And she hasn't quite grasped that we have a new car, when we walk to it in the morning she says "Mama, this one!" But she does like how we can call Kelsy or Damma from the car, she likes to hear the conversation. 

• She is OBSESSED with one particular Barney movie. Grandma Christensen even bought her a new one but she will not watch it, she only wants this one. Oh my word it is so terrible.

• We took a shot at potty training! It didn't work this time, but we are going to keep it up! We are going to try at least one weekend a month, even if it's just to help get her thinking about it. She definitely knows when she needs to go but she's just stubborn.

• Audrey was truly an angel as we handled the passing of Grandpa Christensen. We actually went up to see him in the ER room that he passed away in. His body was there as we mourned around him, and I was really worried that it would traumatize her. Instead she kept holding up her finger and saying "Shh, Papa sleeping". She kept trying to tuck in his hands and feet into the blankets - which I couldn't let her get near but it was sweet to see how caring she is. She also said two days after he passed away to me, "Mama, Papa sleeping" I started getting worried thinking oh crap I hope this doesn't scar her in any way. But then she said "Papa with Gramma now". It was CLEAR AS DAY. And I don't think either of us had told her that Grandpa was now with Grandma Ruth. It was such a sweet spiritual moment with her.

• Audrey has gone to nursery 5 or 6 times in a row! I no longer even need to stay with her for most of the first hour. She loves her nursery leader Brother Spencer - she even gives him a hug and kiss each week when we leave.

• Anyone who has seen Audrey knows that you can't take her baba or blanket away from her. She was way too attached to her bottles, and I had attempted taking them away before. But this time I meant business. Audrey got to choose her sippy cups, she went for Toy Story and Nemo :). Then that night I warned her that this would be the last night with bottles, and once she went to bed I threw away every single one. And you know what? She's been great! She kind of panicked when we first told her she had to use her cup, but now she loves it! 

 Audrey is quite the girly girl. And she finally sits still so we can do her nails.

Thank goodness she has such an amazing daddy that will do them for her while Mommy is busy.

 At this year's Urry Nativity Audrey got to be the duck! 

 We made cookies for Santa at Damma's house. 

Mommy wasn't allowed to help, she had to do them all by herself.

And somehow Audrey ended up with a pierced nose that night! 

 Here are just some of the amazing gifts the Love's got Audrey! 

We had a full trunk by the time we left.

 We took Kennedy and Audrey to the mall to ride the stuffed animals! I was laughing so hard watching other people whizzing by us while we shopped, but I thought I would be embarrassed driving around on one. NOT AT ALL! It was so much fun! And both girls loved it. I want to go back and do it myself...

 Christmas was a disappointment this year, just because Audrey was so sick and miserable. On Christmas Eve the only thing that made her happy was her new Frozen popcorn bowl... and of course POPCORN.

 She loved her owl wrapping paper and putting cookies for Santa.

She woke up to bites taken out of each one and went "LOOK! TANTA BITE!"

 She wouldn't open most of her presents, and I ended up opening the last five late Christmas night. But Santa did bring her Cheetos in her stocking and that's all she cared about. 

 I was so excited about her Minnie Mouse tea cart. 

It makes Audrey frustrated because everything isn't perfect and lined up.

 Poor OCD child.

 We had already met our Christmas budget when I saw this doll at the returning line.

It was the only one in the store and I just had to get it for her! 

Elsa says a ton of sayings and sings "Let it Go" in English AND Spanish.

 Grandma and Grandpa Christensen got Audrey this awesome Zebra toy!

 It is so cute. She can ride on it like this or change the seat to a scooter. 

It also sings a ton of songs and has fun attachments. 

I just thought she looked so stinking cute in her big girl undies!

 One day soon hopefully it will be permanent.

Funny story: One day we were forced to watch the Barney that I told you about. Adam and I just kept trashing it saying how bad we hated this character, that part, her hair, etc. Then we look over and Audrey is giving that face! She was completely glued. We laughed so hard and then documented this predicament. 

After the funeral we were driving to the cemetery and Audrey insisted that Adam had to hold Buzz and Jessy while she held Woody. I kept telling her, "Honey, Daddy is busy. Can Mommy hold them?" To which I got, "No Mama! Dada na busy!".

 Adam had never been to Chuck E Cheese!!! Crazy, I know. 

I think she could eat pizza every day of the year. 

 Audrey is kind of a scaredy cat. 

She doesn't like the rides very much, but she does love when the band sings.

 This is Audrey's EXTREME cheese pose.

 Her face! And notice that she is holding Woody, she always has to know where he is.

RIP Chevy Aveo

Just wanted to document the time our POS car was totaled.

Hoping that this can be a blessing in disguise, and that we can get a better and more reliable car. 

But still: I would rather have Adam and Audrey than a better car.

Truth. 

Goodbye crappy red car with your stupid tiny wheels. 

Thanks for taking the hit for my family.