Adventures of AMC: January 2015

Monday, January 26, 2015

Book Review: Sickened

"Truth is whatever your mind believes. And beliefs are erected by those who raise us. If someone shapes your mind into a distortion, you have to find something that can give you the straight answer."

I am crazy about books and love to hear other people's opinions and reviews so I thought I would do my own.

*Just for the record, I don't think I read a lot of books that others like. I usually only read subjects that are dark, twisty, and generally a little screwed up...

BUT! I love reading books like this a lot of times to get more perspective, or to feel connected to someone. Or just plain to feel that "human" feeling. I don't know how else to describe it, I just love having that feeling where I want to change the world, rescue all the abandoned kittens, walk a little old lady across the street, you get the idea?

Anyway, I just recently bought this book from Barnes & Noble.

I read a lot of books about child abuse, which I figured this story was about as well. I was surprised to find out that not only was it about different forms of child abuse, but that this chronicles Julie's life as a MBP (Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy). Definition time... Munchausen syndrome by proxy is a form of child abuse in which a parent induces real or apparent symptoms of a disease in a child. I had no idea that this was even a form of abuse! I had learned about Munchausen syndrome in popular TV shows like Grey's Anatomy and House, but I never imagined a parent would put their child through this in order to full fill their own disease needs.

I was blown away by this book. I promised myself this year that I would take a stand, and do more to advocate for child abuse, so gulp!, here's me trying. Being abused by my father left me feeling like a zombie. There is no other way I really can put it. I didn't put the pieces together that sexual abuse had happened to me until I was 19 - once you realize the truth, the truth of YOUR life... you can't even begin to imagine how that feels. You realize that you have no idea what part of your life is real and what was fabricated. You have no idea what memories will hit you at what time, and most importantly - you lose all idea of who you are as a person.

What I love most about this book is not only does she share her story, but she describes how she breaks free! Once Julie realizes that she was her mother's proxy, she literally has to start from square one. She describes locking herself in her home and literally staring in a wall of mirrors for hours each day just to re-learn what her face and expressions looked like, because before she only saw them through distorted eyes. And part of her journey included cutting ties with her mother, which hit a cord with me. Sometimes you have to let go of those who hurt you, even if they are family.

This probably doesn't make sense unless you have been through something like this - but I highly recommend this book! Not only for those that have been abused in some way, but even for someone struggling with who they are.

"I know what it feels like to be trapped in the person they made you into and to break free to be the person you truly are."

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

22 Months

The last month has been a little tough for Audrey:

She got over a nasty cough/cold, just to get sick with a virus and double ear infection.We thought she was possessed, then started worrying that the "Terrible Two's" were starting early, but it seems like she's back to normal this week finally!

For Christmas Audrey was spoiled rotten! I am so incredibly grateful for all the toys and goodies she got. We have never been able to really spoil her or even buy her extra clothes or toys until recently. So to get practically a fully equipped play room brought me to tears! She is still having such a blast playing with so many new fun toys.

She is turning into a little girl! Lately just the way she is dressed and has her hair done makes her look so old and makes me so sad! I love her growing but I want her to stay little forever.

She was in the car when it was totaled, and I was worried sick about her. She went to the doctor that same day for the infections, and they told us nothing seemed to be wrong from the accident. I was really worried she would be afraid to get in the car but she really only mentioned it twice. And she hasn't quite grasped that we have a new car, when we walk to it in the morning she says "Mama, this one!" But she does like how we can call Kelsy or Damma from the car, she likes to hear the conversation.

She is OBSESSED with one particular Barney movie. Grandma Christensen even bought her a new one but she will not watch it, she only wants this one. Oh my word it is so terrible.

We took a shot at potty training! It didn't work this time, but we are going to keep it up! We are going to try at least one weekend a month, even if it's just to help get her thinking about it. She definitely knows when she needs to go but she's just stubborn.

Audrey was truly an angel as we handled the passing of Grandpa Christensen. We actually went up to see him in the ER room that he passed away in. His body was there as we mourned around him, and I was really worried that it would traumatize her. Instead she kept holding up her finger and saying "Shh, Papa sleeping". She kept trying to tuck in his hands and feet into the blankets - which I couldn't let her get near but it was sweet to see how caring she is. She also said two days after he passed away to me, "Mama, Papa sleeping" I started getting worried thinking oh crap I hope this doesn't scar her in any way. But then she said "Papa with Gramma now". It was CLEAR AS DAY. And I don't think either of us had told her that Grandpa was now with Grandma Ruth. It was such a sweet spiritual moment with her.

Audrey has gone to nursery 5 or 6 times in a row! I no longer even need to stay with her for most of the first hour. She loves her nursery leader Brother Spencer - she even gives him a hug and kiss each week when we leave.

Anyone who has seen Audrey knows that you can't take her baba or blanket away from her. She was way too attached to her bottles, and I had attempted taking them away before. But this time I meant business. Audrey got to choose her sippy cups, she went for Toy Story and Nemo :). Then that night I warned her that this would be the last night with bottles, and once she went to bed I threw away every single one. And you know what? She's been great! She kind of panicked when we first told her she had to use her cup, but now she loves it!

Audrey is quite the girly girl. And she finally sits still so we can do her nails.

Thank goodness she has such an amazing daddy that will do them for her while Mommy is busy.

At this year's Urry Nativity Audrey got to be the duck!

We made cookies for Santa at Damma's house.

Mommy wasn't allowed to help, she had to do them all by herself.

And somehow Audrey ended up with a pierced nose that night!

Here are just some of the amazing gifts the Love's got Audrey!

We had a full trunk by the time we left.

We took Kennedy and Audrey to the mall to ride the stuffed animals! I was laughing so hard watching other people whizzing by us while we shopped, but I thought I would be embarrassed driving around on one. NOT AT ALL! It was so much fun! And both girls loved it. I want to go back and do it myself...

Christmas was a disappointment this year, just because Audrey was so sick and miserable. On Christmas Eve the only thing that made her happy was her new Frozen popcorn bowl... and of course POPCORN.

She loved her owl wrapping paper and putting cookies for Santa.

She woke up to bites taken out of each one and went "LOOK! TANTA BITE!"

She wouldn't open most of her presents, and I ended up opening the last five late Christmas night. But Santa did bring her Cheetos in her stocking and that's all she cared about.

I was so excited about her Minnie Mouse tea cart.

It makes Audrey frustrated because everything isn't perfect and lined up.

Poor OCD child.

We had already met our Christmas budget when I saw this doll at the returning line.

It was the only one in the store and I just had to get it for her!

Elsa says a ton of sayings and sings "Let it Go" in English AND Spanish.

Grandma and Grandpa Christensen got Audrey this awesome Zebra toy!

It is so cute. She can ride on it like this or change the seat to a scooter.

It also sings a ton of songs and has fun attachments.

I just thought she looked so stinking cute in her big girl undies!

One day soon hopefully it will be permanent.

Funny story: One day we were forced to watch the Barney that I told you about. Adam and I just kept trashing it saying how bad we hated this character, that part, her hair, etc. Then we look over and Audrey is giving that face! She was completely glued. We laughed so hard and then documented this predicament.

After the funeral we were driving to the cemetery and Audrey insisted that Adam had to hold Buzz and Jessy while she held Woody. I kept telling her, "Honey, Daddy is busy. Can Mommy hold them?" To which I got, "No Mama! Dada na busy!".